thanks, but no thanks

Thanksgiving day is that special thursday once a year that you are compelled to spend with your blood kin (and theirs), eat a turkey, regret eating the turkey, and laugh together as a merry clump of people.

My annual thursday was different this year. I spent it with just one of those blood kin (my father) while the others did "their own things." Dad and I get along great-- we are two peas in a pod, and I enjoy being with him. The food tasted just as good as ever, but I choked down tears every time I glanced at the plethora of empty chairs around me. I tried not to notice the gaping silence that the rest of my family would ordinarily infuse with their jovial and boisterous anecdotes. I felt pretty empty right then and, needless to say, lacking in gratitude for the moment. 

A lonely thanksgiving really isn't a huge deal, it's the least of my worries. It just seems to add to the load. I am currently experiencing some painful uncertainty in my life, and every ounce of loneliness adds to the weight of it. I am lacking in gratitude for this moment.

Now, I cling devotedly to the belief that there is a time for everything. We live our lives in seasons, fellow human beings, there is no doubt about it. Granted, some seasons are more enjoyable than others. There are hot seasons, bitter cold seasons, lukewarm seasons, painful seasons, joyful seasons, bleak seasons, hopeful seasons, waiting seasons, confusing seasons, and so on and so forth. 

This is what I believe: Pain is not for nothing. We are being refined, and we are being honed by our circumstances. We are growing, not despite the pain, but because of it. The pain, however strange it may sound, is the catalyst for our growth, and we are coming to realizations what we never would have, had we not been experiencing heartbreak or loss. We are faced with sh*tty circumstances to learn crucial and valuable lessons. Often, the lesson we must learn is to appreciate the times when we are not in those circumstances. Does that make sense? Take the times when you are not being showered with blessings to reflect on and remember the times that you ARE showered. Next time you are bathing in blessings from God, you won't forget to praise Him for it. Be thankful for the things you're not thankful for-- they are a part of life and a part of growth-- they are important, and you would not be the same person without them.