whiney time

I am jotting down a mental note on my brain... "blog more often, and not just to whine"-- it's probably not very fun to read. I'll work on that.

I miss the Johnses. I miss Luke. I miss having a family that lives under one roof-- that isn't strewn across the states or locked up in basic training or unhappy with their jobs or dissatisfied with life's growing pains. I miss simplicity and having too much time on my hands. I miss jumping on beds and beating up Bekah and learning to love Halo2 and WoW so I can relate to my brothers. I miss being in the same boat as the rest of my family. I miss being afraid of the gap between my bed and the wall because a rabid raccoon might attack me while I sleep. I miss hating being woken up by mom in the mornings and eating cereal with Luke with our knees tucked in our shirts. I miss discovering that the world isn't what I expected. I miss being the quiet one. I miss having only 6 friends. I miss innocence and little thoughts and imagination and having no style. I miss being ignorant to all of the superfluity I've been made responsive to.

I'll never have that season back. I guess I don't really want to be a child-- those days were as rough at the time as they were good. I am just tired. I wish I could just stand back and watch life unfold instead of actively participate sometimes. My life is blessed, but I so struggle with desensitization.