these are scattered thoughts

I'd really like to feel complete.
I kind of am, but I'm also kind of not-- and unless I am entirely complete, I am incomplete. Because partial wholeness would contradict the function of completeness.

When Jesus was tempted in the desert, Satan's strategy was essentially to question his identity. If you're the "son of God," prove it.
If I was Jesus, and Satan challenged me so mockingly, I'd probably pounce on the opportunity to prove the hell out of myself without thinking twice. I'd make bread out of stones and throw myself off of a temple.
But, the ever-patient Jesus was substantiated by the affirmation of God. He didn't need confirmation from any other source for him to know who he was or what he was capable of doing.

Over spring break, I read a children's book about puppets. They spent their time putting stickers on each other-- golden stars for being exceptional, and gray dots for being unimpressive. Punchinello, a puppet covered in gray dots, finds his Maker, who removes all the stickers and tells Punchinello that he is precisely the way he was intended to be.

I have a tendency to seek confirmation from people. If I accomplish anything, I need to let someone know. Not to brag, but to verify that whatever I did was worth doing-- and that I'm valuable for doing it. I am prone to having a shallow pool of confidence, so I like to have golden stars to make me feel accomplished.

I did a Lectio Divina on Matthew 6 a while back, and was really challenged by it. I'm challenged by the concept of doing good things in secret. Not just prayer, but doing everything without needing to be seen doing it.

I want to care only about what my Maker thinks of me.